Elegant Environmentalist: February 2017

, by Jaqz

Failure and Mistakes

Failure and mistakes. The one thing in life nobody wants to ever admit to. It's perhaps the hardest thing to first of all realise and accept something has gone as far as it could do or not as well as it should and then deal with the feelings that come with this like I should have tried harder.

Every time something doesn't go well, don't waste time dwelling on it. When you descend into this dark and dangerous place full of blame (usually very hurtful and negative aimed at yourself) you will find it harder and harder to get out the deeper in you get. Think, the last time something didn't work out, what did you think? I bet it was something along the lines of "you're so stupid, why couldn't you have done this? You should've done that! You are rubbish at your job and now everyone knows it!" and if you aren't careful this can quickly spiral out of control and be so far removed from the actual situation you are in you can barely see it anymore.

The first thing to remember is nothing is ever as bad as you think it is. I can guarantee you that if you think the world is ending, it isn't. Our brains are hardwired to anticipate the worst case so we are prepared but our version of worst case is usually never accurate and more often than not completely far fetched!

You may not think it, but there will be people prepared to help you fix it (if it needs fixing) and to help you so if possible, this doesn't happen again. You only have to ask.

One way to help you visualise your way out is to think you are the water in a river. The water hits a rock and it doesn't just give up. It finds another way. Even the tiniest crack, the smallest chance it has it takes and it pushes on, until that small crack erodes and becomes a massive channel making it easier and easier all the time for it to pass.

If you ever come up against a rock, never descend into feelings of (as Samantha Jones says in Sex and the City) "shoulda, woulda, coulda". I even find it helpful when I catch myself going down this path to catch myself doing it and say "shoulda, woulda, coulda" so I can recognise where my head is going and remind myself that I shouldn't be going there.

All failures can teach us a lesson. The trick is to stop the hurtful negative talk, stop the endless "shoulda, woulda, coulda" and honestly and from a place of love and acceptance for whats just happened look forward and see if there is anything you can do to make the situation ok again (if you can). Once that's done, look for the exact lesson and see if there is anything you could do to stop it happening again. Sometimes, theres nothing you could have done. Usually theres something productive, for example I can do a checklist so this isn't missed off again.

Remember though, you will get through this, just like you got through everything else you've come up against!